Thank you

24/03/11

I feel like a massive weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I didn’t realise it at the time of writing it but yesterday’s confession had been weighing on me for a very long time. About 18 years to be exact. That is a very long time to be carrying around something so shameful. It was the dark little secret from my past that very few people knew about. I felt so ashamed and guilty. I feel like a black veil has been blocking the path up until now. A horrible monster waiting in the shadows to claw me back in just waiting for that one little slip up.

This morning when I woke up I felt good. I feel energised, I slept well & I feel... light. I think without realising it I have shared this burden with all of you. What is the saying a burden shared is a burden halved? Something like that anyway. I know that I don’t know any of you personally (except Sarah my future sister in law) but the support that I have received has been amazing. Some of you shared your own similar experiences as well which meant so much more than you will ever know. It made me realise that I am not alone. It has taken this shameful dirty secret & thrust it into the open. No longer is it something to feel guilty about. We have to accept our past in order to change our future. I know that now. I’m not stupid I know that after 1 day I have not been ‘cured’. I know that this is going to be an ongoing process. Some days will be hard & I will have to work at not falling into old habits. But I also know that MOST days will be good.

By taking this problem out of the shadows it doesn’t have the power over me anymore. I hope that others that have these kinds of issues can also be guided to let them go. Give it to the universe. Those that matter don’t mind & those who mind don’t matter! This community is so supportive. You will not be made to feel ashamed. You will be given strength, courage and friendship. Just when you feel like you are ready to throw in the towel someone will be there with some kind words to pick you up & dust you off.